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  • Writer's pictureDr. Karin Anderson Abrell

It's None of My Business

Many of us stress out—a LOT.

And far too often we stress about things that are completely out of our control AND are none of our business. Dylan (my ex) brought this to my attention once when we were together. I was griping—going on and on about the way one of my besties was being treated by her bf. “How could he do that to her!?! He’s so selfish! She could do so much better!” Dylan looked at me and said, “You know, it’s really none of your business.” Say WHAT??? None of my business!?! But that’s my girl and he’s doing her wrong and I’m upset about it because I love her! But Dylan was right. It’s easy to get it twisted. We love our people. We want what’s best for them. But for the most part, when we fret and fuss and stew, we waste an enormous amount of energy contemplating circumstances we can’t possibly control AND aren’t actually our business anyway. Things like:

• Why our sister takes so much crap from her misogynist husband. • Why our neighbor lets his 11-year-old kid run the house. • Why our parents bankroll our jobless 28-year-old brother, putting him up rent free in their basement. When we take a step back, we realize that a HUGE percentage of our stressors aren’t ours to take on in the first place. It’s so very freeing to realize this. Please know I’m NOT saying we don’t lend an ear and provide suggestions and support when they come asking for it. Of course we do what we can. But—and here’s the part that’s really hard—you know as well as I do that all too often, they won’t take our advice. We dissect the situation and strategize solutions and give all kinds of time and energy to their problem. But they likely aren’t going to change one darn thing anyway. They’re adults. They’ve made choices. There are better things to spend our neural energy on—things we CAN control and ARE our business.

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