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Why self-care could be the secret to finding love

Self-care is the one resolution that you should stick to this year if you want to improve your life – including your love life! Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell explains why.

A new year provides a fresh start and an exciting chance to address things that we’d like to change in our lives. Some years we feel settled and satisfied so that only a few minor adjustments are needed, but other years it seems that we could use a complete overhaul!

But here’s the good news; when it comes to love and relationships, we really only need to make one resolution, and it’s entirely within our control.

This year, resolve to practice what psychologists call self-care. Read on to learn the impressive benefits of focusing on you (and how doing so can greatly enhance your love life!)

What is self-care?

Let’s start by taking a quick look at how we define self-care. Self-care is exactly what it sounds like – efforts that we take to nurture our emotional wellbeing. Since we’re all different, self-care varies from person to person based on individual preferences. Hiking, meditating, weekly mani-pedis, weekend mini breaks or yoga classes could all constitute self-care. Spin classes, painting, knitting and volunteer work would also fit the bill. Essentially, if it brings you peace and restores balance to your life, it’s considered self-care.

What does self-care do?

All forms of self-care rejuvenate our internal state, which, in turn, directly impacts on interactions with others. Think about it; when we meet someone who’s edgy, tense and stressed out, our impulse is to run in the opposite direction! Conversely, when introduced to calm, centered individuals, we find ourselves drawn to them and keen to linger in their presence. Clearly, intentional self-care impacts both the intrapersonal and interpersonal realms.

But how does self-care help my love life?

Here’s where it gets interesting. Any exercise in self-care that enriches our emotional wellness not only leads to improved connections with those around us, but also increases the likelihood of meeting a quality partner.

According to psychotherapists, we tend to attract – and are attracted to – those of similar psychological health. Marriage counsellors put it this way, ‘water seeks its own level,’ i.e. high functioning people typically couple with other high functioning people, while those who lack emotional stability partner with others of a comparable disposition. Therefore, working on your psychological wellbeing when single – whether that’s going to psychotherapy, reading self-help books, or reflecting on your emotional issues through journaling – pays big dividends. Such deliberate acts of self-care will cause you to be drawn to like-minded, growth-orientated individuals, and they will be drawn to you too!

Focus on self-care this year and enjoy positive results in all realms of life. You’ll experience more peace and inner fulfilment, while also enjoying healthier connections with friends and romantic partners. The first step towards solid relationships with others is taking care of yourself!

Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell is a psychologist and author of the book Single is the New Black: Don’t Wear White ‘Til It’s Right. Her new podcast, Love & Life, can be heard on iTunes and Sound Cloud.


Originally appeared on the eHarmony UK website.

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