Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell
Help! My BFF Got Married! - The Self-Love Formula
Your bestie. Your girl. Your BFF. You had everything in common—same taste in clothes, music, and guys. You could finish each other’s sentences and crack each other up with a mere smirk or raised eyebrow. You agreed on virtually everything and naturally assumed your lives would progress along parallel paths.
But then . . . she got married. She met her prince and took off to happily ever after, while you remained solo.
That was so not the plan!
And now, everything’s different—way different.
She’s searching for suburban starter homes while you scour your neighborhood for a decent laundromat. She’s flipping through baby name books as you deliberate which gym to join.
You yearn for the good ol’ days when you were always on the same page.
But the worst part? Your BFF, who used to know you better than anyone now struggles to understand pretty much every aspect of your life. Sometimes you feel utterly let down. It’s as if she left you behind to fend for yourself.
Always remember, your BFF doesn’t mean to disappoint you; she just doesn’t get it. Let me repeat—she just doesn’t get it!
How could she? She met her husband in college or at her first job after grad or at her cousin’s wedding. She smoothly stepped into the next stage of her life at the “expected time” without a hitch. Since love came easily for her, she assumes it should do the same for you. Ultimately she can’t begin to fathom the frustration you feel as you battle your way through the dating scene.
Keep in mind this is just a season. Your friendship feels like it’s irrevocably altered—but it isn’t. You’re just in vastly different circumstances. Once your lives coincide again, you’ll get back to where you were.
So in the meantime, what’s a single girl to do? Gather yourself a posse of single ladies, STAT!
This is not about replacing your BFF or betraying her or negating the impact she’s had on your life. This is about survival, plain and simple—because you won’t make it through the jungle that is the dating scene without fellow single ladies. You need backup.
Surrounding yourself with women who know exactly what you’re going through is imperative as you navigate your way through this stage of your life.
A pack of single ladies can keep you sane and balanced. When you overly obsess about meeting guys and start neglecting other passions in your life, your girls will reel you in. Or if after a slew of bad dates you threaten to join a convent, your girls will beat down your door and drag you out on the town. One important caveat—your crew must consist of women possessing extremely positive attitudes. No haters allowed! One Negative Nellie can ruin a perfectly fantastic girls’ night out. Your support system should inspire and embolden you—not drag you down.
But what about your BFF? Where does she fit into all this?
The thing about friendship is, there’s no limit to the amount of love we can give and receive. You have plenty of room in your heart for your BFF and your new crew.
By reaching out to other women, you fill the void left by your BFF—which actually benefits your relationship with her! You can lean on your single girls and ratchet down your expectations of your BFF because in this season, she can’t possibly be there for you the way she used to.
It’s a big adjustment, but your BFF’s marriage doesn’t have to derail your friendship!
Changing seasons are a part of life and before you know it, you’ll be the one getting married. When that happens, let’s hope the single girls in your life find this blog post!
This article appeared in The Self-Love Formula. April 2016.
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