Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell
Still Single? 3 Reasons Why You Should Stop Worrying
I hear it all the time and see it everywhere—singles being made to feel inadequate, unworthy, and flawed just because they have yet to meet their match. Watch any episode of The Bachelor and you'll see what I mean. After each Rose Ceremony, the rejected 24-year-old beauties tearfully lament, "I don't know what I'm doing wrong! Why can't things just work out for me? I keep getting my heart broken again and again!"
I shake my head, wanting to scream at the TV, "Really? Look at yourself! You're gorgeous, talented, kind, and smart! This guy just wasn't your guy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. It just hasn't happened yet!" Read on to discover three realities to keep in mind as you journey to meet The One.
1. Timing Is Everything. The Supremes told us years ago that you can't hurry love, and guess what? They were right. Sure, we'd like to control when The One comes along. Once we graduate college, score a fabulous career and settle into our first apartment, we figure we're ready to meet the love of our life. When our soul mate doesn't show up at the expected time, we get discouraged and try to figure out why. But actually, there is no reason why. It just hasn't happened yet!
2. There's A Lid For Every Pot. Look around. Happy couples come in all sorts of configurations, each operating with unique dynamics that work well for them. But sometimes well-meaning friends and family pinpoint qualities they're convinced we need to change before we'll find true love. When I was single, I was told I was too picky, too opinionated, and too intimidating (just to name a few). Then I met my husband and he fell in love with me exactly the way I am. Moreover, he was thankful I'd been picky, loved hearing my opinions, and wasn't at all intimidated by me. If you've ever heard you're too something remember, someone out there wants exactly what you have to offer. It just hasn't happened yet!
3. We've Been On Both Sides Of It. Think back to when you've broken up with someone. Often times, we don't even completely understand why the spark isn't there—it just isn't. So we cobble together a weak explanation to the effect of, "You're great! I love spending time with you. I just don't see us having a future together." And when your ex counters with, "What did I do wrong?" you probably don't have a very good answer. Typically, there is no good answer. Someone can look perfect on paper, but if the chemistry doesn't click, it's not a match. Nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with your partner. It just hasn't happened yet.
Stop searching for some personality quirk or idiosyncrasy that's keeping love away. Relax and give yourself a break. You're fine the way you are—it just hasn't happened yet!